Monday, February 28, 2011

It's a Transition

I haven't gone to ballet since last Monday.

Yes, that's correct.  Last Monday.  I decided that night that I need a break.  A hiatus, if you will.  There are many different reasons, but the biggest one is that I need to realign my life and develop a healthier relationship with ballet, with my body, and just with myself in general.  I also need to stop wearing myself out, and going to class straight from work and then not getting home until almost 8 or going home for an hour and then back to class to then not get home until almost 8 starts to kill me.

And I thought I could handle doing shows?  What the hell was I thinking?

So far it's been about a week of no class.  To get my exercise I've started the Insanity DVDs again, and boy are they butt kickers.  It's lovely to get home from work, do a workout, and be done for the day between 5:30 and 6:30 (depending on when I get home on a particular day).  I have more time for myself, more time to unwind, more time for everything.

I had a miniature breakdown last Thursday night because it's hard for me to realize and fully understand all the time that this hiatus does not mean I'll never dance again.  I just know in my gut that I can't do it right now.  I think God is telling me to stay away no matter what, and He will tell me when it's ok to go back again.  If I want to.

I also knew that this transition was going to happen sooner or later, most likely when I get married next June.  I think that doing it now instead is going to be a very good thing.  Getting married and (finally) moving out of my parents' house is already going to be a major life change, and making another one at the same time would not be fun. May as well make this change now so I'm not overwhelmed later and so, most importantly, I can really enjoy being a newlywed.

So that's that.  Bye bye ballet.  For now.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Decisions

Not to be dramatic, but it's clear that decisions need to be made.  Things are changing in my life, for the better, and with those changes come other changes.  I think it's time to let go a little bit so that I can focus on what's really important.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Engaged :)

Last Saturday was the absolute best day of my life.

About a week earlier, Mat texted me saying that he was asked to pick up a shift at work on Saturday the 5th.  Normally he keeps Saturday nights free for us, but the idea of extra hours and therefore extra money was tempting.  Plus, the guy who asked him had taken his Christmas Eve shift, so it seemed logical to return the favor.

So, like any girl, I text Steph and tell her he has to work.  As I expect, she responds with "ooh let's hang out! I think I'm free!"  We planned a girls picnic full of junk food, Lorelai and Rory status.

That Saturday morning I woke up groggy and somewhat grumpy because I had taken Nyquil at 2 am after waking up coughing.  Good idea at 2 am, not so much 6 hours later.  Ballet sucked, I felt bloated and fat and out of it and like I couldn't move.  I was starting to not be as excited about eating enormous amounts of crap, but I was still excited for girl time so I figured whatever, I'll get over it.

Steph said she was going to be at her grandparents' house to see their newly painted kitchen, and they live near me, so she was going to come to my house.  Plus, that way she could work on finishing my taxes while I finished getting ready.  She came over around 2, and we left a few minutes later.  She said she'd drive since I drive so much during the week, even though we were planning to go to Craig Park which is back near her house. Whatever, I didn't care.

We made a stop at Target to get some more junk food, and she said we didn't need to get too much because she had a surprise in the car.  I thought that was weird, but at the same time we are very weird people who would likely do random surprises for each other once and a while.  I figured she made cookies or something.

So off to the park.  She pulls a picnic basket out of her trunk.  I'm getting pretty confused, but again, she's random, so I brushed it off.  We hike up the mini-hill and put our stuff down, and then she said she left her new camera filter in the car.  (She has a NICE photographer's camera and loves playing with it).  She told me to read the card while she was gone.  Now I'm seriously confused, but figured whatever.  Like I said, we're both extremely random.

As soon as I opened that damn picnic basket, I knew Mat was involved.  The food was all the kind of stuff we eat on our picnics: pita bread, veggies, hummus, salami, cheese, canteloupe, apples (with caramel sauce!), strawberries...and there was a card.  As I started reading it, I thought he had dropped off a picnic for me since he had to work on a day we normally hang out.  It's the kind of thing he would do.  But then, as I read what he wrote in the card, I knew what was happening.  Heart started pounding, legs started shaking, I start looking around for him because I KNOW he's there.  He comes walking up to me in his black button shirt, jeans, sunglasses...heart is melting.

He comes up to me, gives me a hug and a kiss, I'm freaking out.  I can tell he's nervous.  He tells me he loves me, that he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with me, and I think there was more but it's all a blur now.  Then he gets down on one knee, opens a box, and says "Will you marry me?"

I think it took about half of a millisecond for me to say yes.  Steph is taking pictures of the whole thing.

I think all I could say was "oh my god oh my god oh my god" and I couldn't stop shaking and I eventually had to sit down.  Steph came up and I think I almost "slapped" her because she had been lying to me for 2 weeks, but it was all in love. :)

Steph went home for a bit, and Mat and I had our picnic.  Sadly, I couldn't eat much because I was so in shock.  I found out that my whole family and his whole family had known for 2 weeks also, and that his parents, sister, and brother were all going to be at my house a little later.  My sister even came up from school for the night.  Then, later that night, we were going to The Summit House for dinner and our parents were going out together.

When we got to my house about an hour later, my mom had champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and cheese and crackers, pictures galore were taken, and we got gifts.  Mat's sister got me a white tote bag that had "bride" written in rhinestones on it, and practically every bridal magazine ever published.  His parents got us our own set of champagne flutes, a bottle of champagne that she'd written "Just Engaged" on, sweetheart candy, and a wedding planning book.

When we got to The Summit House later that night, the waiter put champagne glasses down on our table and handed us the full wine list.  We were told that Mrs. Kolbeck said we have to order a bottle of champagne and whatever we want for dinner and that the entire bill and tip was covered.  Mat had no idea she had done that.

I have never felt so loved in my entire life.