Monday, February 28, 2011

It's a Transition

I haven't gone to ballet since last Monday.

Yes, that's correct.  Last Monday.  I decided that night that I need a break.  A hiatus, if you will.  There are many different reasons, but the biggest one is that I need to realign my life and develop a healthier relationship with ballet, with my body, and just with myself in general.  I also need to stop wearing myself out, and going to class straight from work and then not getting home until almost 8 or going home for an hour and then back to class to then not get home until almost 8 starts to kill me.

And I thought I could handle doing shows?  What the hell was I thinking?

So far it's been about a week of no class.  To get my exercise I've started the Insanity DVDs again, and boy are they butt kickers.  It's lovely to get home from work, do a workout, and be done for the day between 5:30 and 6:30 (depending on when I get home on a particular day).  I have more time for myself, more time to unwind, more time for everything.

I had a miniature breakdown last Thursday night because it's hard for me to realize and fully understand all the time that this hiatus does not mean I'll never dance again.  I just know in my gut that I can't do it right now.  I think God is telling me to stay away no matter what, and He will tell me when it's ok to go back again.  If I want to.

I also knew that this transition was going to happen sooner or later, most likely when I get married next June.  I think that doing it now instead is going to be a very good thing.  Getting married and (finally) moving out of my parents' house is already going to be a major life change, and making another one at the same time would not be fun. May as well make this change now so I'm not overwhelmed later and so, most importantly, I can really enjoy being a newlywed.

So that's that.  Bye bye ballet.  For now.

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